Suffering

I recently came across a blog that a friend had shared with me. It was written by a grieving mother who had lost her precious little boy almost a year ago to a terrible disease. I can't believe how much this story has touched my heart and now I can't help but return each day to read her blog and pray for her as she goes through such horrible pain! I can't help but think of Ryan when I read her blog. Our boys seem to have so much in common. Both blonde, both were so articulate and smart at such a young age. And of course, it reminds me of just how precious our time on earth is. Although, I try hard not to focus on it...we too could lose Ryan at any time due to his horid disease. I have come to realize after more than 12 years of living with SMA, that there is so much in life to be thankful for. Although, my oldest son will never play football (his favorite sport), he CAN play football through his video games and he CAN watch football on TV. And even though we went through numerous hospitalizations with him in his early years, the past few years have been pretty minor when it comes to illness. I thank God daily for Ryan's health. I am not sure if I've been through anything in my life that is harder than watching my son suffer and just struggle to breathe, time after time after time, being completely helpless to stop it all! And of course, adding to that the stress of fighting the doctors and nurses who don't know how to care for an SMA child. The hope that we cling to is that Ryan WILL walk one day, he WILL play sports one day and he will be free of sickness and pain. I can't wait to see it!